Movie night will never be the same.
Face it parents, those weekly date nights are a thing of the past. How dare you try to have fun without me. If you are good, perhaps I’ll let you watch Finding Nemo or Wall-E at home with me but definitely none of those scary movies. And the theater? No way. Ok, sometimes if you let Grandma and Grandpa baby-sit.
Caffeine is essential to meet my needs.
When I need something, you have to provide it immediately. I can’t wait for you to “have the energy” to take care of me. If that means being hopped up on caffeine, get to it.
Can you really deny me anything?
It really doesn’t matter what I want in this world. You will find a way to provide it. Occasionally I’ll ask nicely, but mostly I’ll just scream until you figure it out.
Story time is the best time.
You will discover new things about your favorite stories when you see them through my eyes.
I really don’t care how much you hate laundry.
I like getting put in six different outfits a day. And since clothes only fit for a month, you better get your use out of them by washing them as often as possible. Don’t worry, my clothes are tiny. They don’t take up TOO much space in the washer.
This place is a death trap.
Do you see those stairs? I could go tumbling down them and bump my head! What about those outlets? Or the book cases? Seriously, it’s time to re-model the entire house to make it Zephryn safe. Get to it.
I’m the boss. Period.
It doesn’t matter what you think. I’m the King and all things I decide must be done. They must be done my way or not at all. Occasionally I’ll be magnanimous and give you the most wonderful compliments. But mostly, just do as I say.
Diapers are the most important thing you buy.
You need to pick ones that contain my pee and poop, don’t give me rashes, are comfortable to wear all day and have pretty pictures on them. There is nothing more important. Get the right ones and I’ll be a much happier baby.
Pooh is everywhere.
I think it’s funny. You seem to get frustrated about it. It’s normal, just clean it up and move on. I do find the faces you make when you get a whiff of my diaper to be quite amusing.
You need to teach me everything you know.
I’m not gonna be a baby forever! You’ve made a good start teaching me about Doctor Who and Star Wars, but that just isn’t enough. I need to know all kinds of things.
I can sleep when I want. You can’t.
You must be available at any time. You can sleep when I do if you want, but when I need you, come running.
I am the greatest gift.
Always remember that I am the best thing that ever happened to you. If you do that, I promise one day I’ll think the same of you.
Thanks for listening!